I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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