A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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