I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
