I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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