this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
