he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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