Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize