ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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