You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
