I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
