I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
