Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
