Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize