So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
