omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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