she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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