would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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