Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
