Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
