The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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