I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
