i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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