I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
