My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
