Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
