honey bunches of taint.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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