I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
