It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
