Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God I need to hump something, right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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