we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
please don't ironically join a cult
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