At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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