Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
