Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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