I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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