I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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