There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
