Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
