i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
