FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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