who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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