11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
