Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
