Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
