At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
