I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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