I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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