drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
