I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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