Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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