it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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