I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he puts the penis in happiness.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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