ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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