Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drake has all the answers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
