You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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