Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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