My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
