with your own penis?
Your face is a jimmy john
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
