i just wanna soil my oats bro
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
