just survived the first fart of the relationship.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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