Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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