how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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