He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want a musical about memes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
