i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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