after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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