im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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