Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
