Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
