I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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