Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
