i permit you to call me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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