If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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