How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
