xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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