i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
