I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
