I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
