I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
