also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
